I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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