went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
