Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
