What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
