I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
