Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
