The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
