so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
