I think my fart just growled at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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