no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i drank out of a bidet.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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