Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
