so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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