WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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