Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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