I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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