Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
