Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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