im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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