direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
