Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
