susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
