he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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