you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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