Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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