he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
