Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
