I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
