I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
