I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
