i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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