Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
