is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
