matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
