John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I need a beard to bite.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
