Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Randomize
