she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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