I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
