3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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