apparently the secret to your success is patron
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
