That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
