she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Randomize
