She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
