Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
