i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
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