so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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