Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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