apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
dude. I can hear the air.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
