wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
