Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
