he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
