She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
